Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
