she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
cat food counts as protein by the way
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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