just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
