I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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