i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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