haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
