He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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