once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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