Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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