I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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