that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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