Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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