Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
