i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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