you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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