i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
where are you?
Hypothermia
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
