dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize