Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
