Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
