you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
