I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
