So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
