he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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