Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
