I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
