You smell like a Billy Joel song
it hurts more in the daytime
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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