Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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