Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
