He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
