Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
