I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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