it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
