i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
