I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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