remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
