chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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