Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
