Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
