It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
COCAINE IS GR8
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
