Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize