I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
