She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
