I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
