Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
