you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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