if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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