So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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