I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What drink are we having for lunch?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
