so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
