There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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