The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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