My room smells like vodka and shame
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the condom got lost in my hair
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
