It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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