dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
