My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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