just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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