sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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