I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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