im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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