I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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